Breathing growth

March has been a warm month, bringing spring and with it, change.

I found myself looking back at the pictures and selfies I took during my first month here in Ankara, and focusing on the differences in my appearance and environment almost made me forget that I’ve been here for almost three months now, realizing how much more I’ve come to know now. It’s been weeks of wonder and discovery. My first Ramadan – being invited for iftar a couple times couldn’t be enough, so, being the overachiever I am, I decided to try fasting for one week. Waking up for sahur while the birds are not singing yet, and breaking the fast as evening rises became the rhythm of my days in the most natural way. Of course, Ramadan is not only about fasting, but sharing a meal together after taking the first sip of water holds a sacrality that I will never forget. Preparing, cooking the food, setting the table, being grateful, and eating while sharing experiences from the day will be in my most precious memories from Türkiye. And then I took a train to Istanbul. There is a small writing under Galata Bridge that says ‘I fell in love in Istanbul’ – in my case you could replace in with with, because every step I took there left me breathless.

It’s no help that I dreamt of visiting there since I was young and in school, learning about the different names the city came to carry across the centuries – Byzantium, Constantinople, Istanbul – and how it’s been the center of world-changing events. I looked forward to it again during university, studying ottoman history and reading Orhan Pamuk’s novels that transported me to Türkiye, knowing that sooner or later I would cross it off my bucket list. Since this isn’t a travel journal, I’ll just mention here that I learned how to reply correctly to ‘as-salamu alaykum’ after an unforgettable and very humbling anecdote at Hagia Sofia. It would be pointless and harmful to myself and the reader to describe extensively the colours, sceneries, and all the little wonders in every corner of the city, but there was something in breathing in the air of the Bosphorus that made me miss home a little more. It was probably the realization I was close to the sea, the water holding the same stinging scent of when I was a child, me and my father going to the beach during hot Sunday mornings. 

Back to Ankara with a camera full of photos to be developed, I discovered the silent magic of the National Library, which left all of us speechless with its over 300,000 books stacked across floors, with a dome completing the majestic experience of walking through its corridors. It made me understand how much is hidden behind Ankara’s grey façade, together with the wish to discover everything. March has been new, it’s been challenging and made me feel more present than ever in the world. While writing this, I realise there’s a lot that I’ve still missed while being here for months – nonetheless, looking back I see the growth, the change both inside and outside of me, and I’m feeling grateful for past me applying to this project, as I’ve turned into much more than I could have ever imagined.